How sorry are the narcissistic actors who say they are sorry, offer a forced and fake apology, and show little concern for how sorry they actually look?
The most recent “fauxpology” involved Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis. The Hollywood power couple was busted for standing up for their buddy, convicted rapist Danny Masterson (“Steven Hyde” on That ’70s Show). Kutcher and Kunis were two of 50 people who wrote the judge presiding over Masterson’s sexual assault trial.
To help prevent Masterson from spending the next 30 years of life as an award of the state, the doting couple (who met him–and each other–on the hit FOX sitcom) wrote some challenging words. It didn’t go over well, so the hot ire of cancel culture has scorched those two.
Danny takes his job seriously. He is kind, courteous, and hard working. He treated everyone from the grips to the teamsters to the actors to the caterers as equals. As a role model, Danny has consistently been an excellent one.
A few problems with this personal effect:
- When faced with rape, it’s always a good idea to stand on your work ethic
- Ashton and Mila believe it so much they say it in consecutive sentences
- Understanding that someone is kind to “the help” was good for the peon jurors in attendance
- Lastly, “role model”
Once the news of that “character letter” came out, it took record time for another Hollywood fake apology. Enjoy, then please continue below.
Sorry, Not Sorry
How did their PR team convince those two that would work? “We support victims.” Really, dude?! As opposed to cheering for criminals? Then, to add a little “Aw, shucks” to it, Kutcher shares that the letter was written to support the guy they knew, not the one who was probably going to prison. Followed by, “Well, Danny’s mommy made me do it.”
It’s the revered Sorry, Not Sorry tactic–and it’s time to quit it, Hollywood!
We’re on to you. Fire your publicists. Quit justifying your actions with a fake apology. Then, consider being authentic occasionally, or possibly, just shut up. If you need examples of what not to do, your friends and mates at CoveredGeekly would like to share a sampling from the litany of miserable fauxpologies fans have endured–and sometimes accepted–for decades.
- Kristen Stewart was shtupping her director of Twilight, Rupert Sanders in 2012. To wit, she blamed a “momentary discretion” and lost Robert Pattinson in the process. And Sanders called it “an exciting mistake.” Certainly, his ex-wife enjoyed that.
- Alec Baldwin was a notorious drunk in the early oughts. In 2007, he called his 11-year-old daughter a “rude, thoughtless pig.” He blamed spats with his ex-wife, Kim Basinger, for the voicemail–not the pints of lager.
- In 2009, Chris Brown physically assaulted his then-girlfriend Rihanna. Instead of a mea culpa, his fake apology involved blaming the media for his public image issues.
- Remember Will Smith and the slap seen ’round the world at the 2022 Oscars? His idiotic fake apology suggested, “Love makes you do crazy things.”
- Back in 2016, the ostracized Oscar-winner Kevin Spacey was “shocked” to discover that he made a sexual advance on Anthony Rapp, age 14. His blunder was “not remembering 30 years ago” and “if I did…I owe him the sincerest apology.”
A lesson in media relations says, “Never give 10 words when five words will do.” In other words, “Less is more, dunderheads.” A fake apology comes across as full of more crap than a Christmas turkey. What’s wrong with “I’m sorry?”
Simple. They aren’t sorry for their actions. They are sorry they were caught.
The Elements of a Hollywood Fake Apology
What’s important to note about the evergreen fake apology is that they are lies. That’s it. They’re insincere, passive-aggressive, “I’m sorry that you feel that way,” hands to the face in a shallow attempt to make the deep issue vanish.
What’s wrong with a real apology? Real people have to offer those on a weekly basis. To think you don’t need to be real about hurting others is hubris. Sir Elton John wrote, “Sorry seems to be the hardest word.” He’s right.
Psychotherapists will tell you any sincere apology follows the CAR method–shows concern, demonstrates action, and offers reassurance.
Kunis and Kutcher didn’t do that. None of them do that. They want the problem to vanish like a fart in the wind. The problem is the lingering smell after the fake apology. Anyone can see through those hollow words minus concern, action, or reassurance. No one holds them to their word, so there are no repercussions for the fake ones.
And that’s why there are so many fauxpologies in Hollywood. In fact, there are 13 types:
- Minimizing: “I was just…”
- Shifting Blame: “I’m sorry that you…”
- Conditional: “I’m sorry if…”
- Deja-Vu: “I’ve already said…”
- Phantom: “I regret that…”
- Whitewashing: “I probably should have…”
- Avoidance: “You know I…”
- Invisible: “I guess I should say…”
- Pay-to-Play: “I’ll apologize if…”
- Not-My-Apology: “I was told to…”
- Takeaway: “I am sorry but…”
- One-Size-Fits-All: “For all those times…”
- Get-Off-My-Back: “Enough already…”
The Moral of the Story
During those vulnerable moments, we see what the beautiful people are made of and what they think the fans will choose to ignore. That’s one of the thin silver linings to cancel culture–they hold you accountable. Whatever the case, the fake apology has to go. These people have a place of distinction in Hollywood, which is why they should make better decisions and sincerely apologize for the faulty ones.
Not for nothing, but Masterson got the total bid of 30 years to life. He’s eligible for parole on his 77th birthday. So much for that apology–or the other one.
